Birthday Calories Don't Count....DO THEY?!

Hey Guys!

Sorry for disappearing, I've been celebrating! So I am officially 22 and I think in honor of my twenty second I gained 2 lbs! Happy Birthday to me?! A co-worker of mine proceeded to tell me how great I look the other day and asked me what diet I was on, which left me dumbfounded considering I have pretty much had a diet of everything from the Cheesecake Factory lately. I started out with the mentality that Birthday calories don't count however 2 weeks later and I still can't seem to get back on the bandwagon! It has been nearly impossible for me to balance happy hours and a social life with losing weight. I went out nearly every night this past week, including Taco Tuesday with my lovely buddy Kendra :) and I wouldn't change all the fun times, but how the heck am I supposed to be good and eat healthy when there are so many temptations around me?!

I finally got back on track a little and figured out a plan that I am going to follow but oh wait...did I mention I'm going to Vegas for the weekend? Stay tuned as I attempt to eat healthy in Vegas! After I get back I promise to be good though! I am taking another Vegas trip in November, that gives me 5 months to get back into my little black dress! The Goal is to lose 40 lbs by then and cruise Vegas with confidence. I am tired of all the excuses and dreading vacations because I have nothing to wear and don't feel confident in my own skin.

There has been a lot going on lately, I am still getting over the last bits of my break up but I am determined to come out of this stronger and healthier than ever! There have been a few situations this last week involving interested guys and a very uninterested Marina and I realized that I am not ready to open up yet mainly because I am not comfortable being this weight and I can't imagine letting someone else into my life when I am not yet confident looking in the mirror.

As far as it goes for Kendra, I am very proud of you for sticking with your diet and exercise plan even when things get hectic with the kids and congrats on losing those 5 lbs :D I am so excited to continue this journey together and meeting more people along the way :)

Here is us on our awsome Taco Tuesday date!

A New Day is Dawning

It's not even 8:45 AM and I am on my third donut. No, I did not fall off the bandwagon. I am enjoying my first Cheat Day on the Slow Carb Diet. I won't waste your time extolling the virtues of said diet, but I will say that it beats counting calories.

Basically six days a week I'm very good. As in, no grains or sugars good.i make one exception for a small dose of very dark chocolate per day to keep me sane, I mean come on! I'm a single mother who doesn't drink or do caffeine, I need a crutch of some sort. Then on day seven I make myself sick eating everything I craved the other days.

I love this strategy, because what I've found for myself is I do better saying "later," to a craving than, "no." When I see something I just have to have I write it down so I'll remember on Cheat Day. Then on Cheat Day I make myself eat everything, and I mean everything.

What I didn't know until I tried it was how sick I would feel after eating foods I had eaten everyday of my life. It's crazy, I had always been a very emotional eater, but the six days leading up to Cheat Day the emotionality of foods had been taken out of my diet. And after such a purging diet, the excess of Cheat Day was disgusting. I was actually looking forward to going back to my sugar/grain-free diet.

The total tally for Cheat Day? I had six donuts, two hamburgers, extra large fries and Dr. Pepper, a roll of butterfly crackers, a handful of salt and vinegar kettle chips, and a Mike's Hard Lemonade. And I'm already planning for next Sunday. We'll see how I do, but for now I'm down to 166 and feeling good about it.

Seeking Salvation

"My name is Kendra, and I am a foodaholic." This is how I feel at Weight Watchers meetings. Where other addicts come to discuss their preferred substitutes and languish over the prevalence of Arby's on their drive home. I've tried a lot of different diets; I experimented with Slim Fast in high school. Cut carbs, sugars, even chocolate. Jumped on the Special K Challenge bandwagon. Went to the meetings, tracked the calories, logged the exercise hours. But the problem is, no matter which diet I try, how much I clear out my schedule to work out, there is a deeper need in me. I think that is the root of the problem. Whether we smoke, drink, exercise, do drugs, or eat, we have to have something to throw into that hole inside ourselves. I'm not trying to be a downer, but the more I think about the relationship I have with food, the more I feel like an addict. When I quit smoking five years ago, after smoking daily for almost as long, I suffered from headaches, shaking hands, and an overriding obsession with smoke. I would sit next to smokers at bus stops just to get a whiff of that sweet incense. Around the time I quit smoking, my food issues started. Now that I am trying to quit eating, I find myself unexplainably at bakeries, and making analogies about cakes. And that is the way of it, we can substitute, food for cigarettes, exercise for food, but until we know what we are trying to fill up, we will never feel full. 

I started off this blog with a plan to log my caloric intake in order to track my weight loss. I have failed to follow through, whether for one reason or another. Too much going on, or more often, just not feeling like I wanted to know if I was over my limit for the day. Like a raging alcoholic, I am trying to claw my way back to the wagon, while simultaneously stuffing my face with anything I can get my hands on (see taco, above). If there were a patron saint for obese dieters, I would say a prayer to find my way back to the path, but there isn't. So instead I reached out to a friend.

I met this friend in college. At the time I met her she was in much the same place I am now: recently divorced, and struggling with her own weight issues. She's now into great shape, and is on what is called the "Slow Carb Diet," with success. Inspired by her posts about the diet, and her frequent references to being a gymaholic (a much better habit, I believe), I am going to give it a shot. As part of giving myself a fighting chance, I am going to give myself permission to not be happy with where I am. Yes, there is a hole inside of me, but no, that hole does not need food. For now, until I have a better understanding of why it's there, I will throw myself into exercising, substitution I know, but a necessary one. It may not work, but I won't know until I try. Trust me to keep you updated, and wish me luck!

Better Late Than Never....Right?!

Hey guys! I'm Marina, the second half of this awsome twosome!
A long long time ago, I used to be a nationally ranked tennis player and in pretty decent shape. Fast forward 3 years, 3  knee surgeries and a break up later and I am in the worst shape of my life. We are both unhappy with our bodies and we decided to be proactive and do something about it. My birthday is coming up (June 17) and although I am excited to celebrate with my friends, I am held back by the one dilema that many of us face at one time or another: I have nothing to wear. I found a sparkly pink and black dress that I instantly fell in love with and although I am still planning to wear it, I have to wear it as a shirt since it doesn't cover my butt. The last few years are a blur, I somehow ballooned to 235 lbs (down from 245 a few months ago) and I don't recognize the athletic girl I used to be. My goal is to lose 100 lbs by my 23 birthday  (June 2013) and play tennis once again.
I can't do it without your help and support. We would love any input and support we can get on this journey. We are very happy to have eachother but the more the merrier right?! Who's with me?! 

Just as I thought that I was over my break-up, I found out that my ex is moving in with a new girlfriend. Have I been seeing anyone? Not so much. I want to be able to be confident once again and be comfortable enough with myself to start dating again. I decided that for the next year I am putting all my effort into getting my life back on track and my weight into a healthy range. I will be posting about all the hardships and rewarding experiences here along with my buddy. We would love to hear any of your weight loss success stories, anything really to keep us going because as we all know: LOSING WEIGHT SUCKS!!!! I look forward to sharing my weight loss journey with everyone and I hope that I can even inspire a few people. Before pics and goals to come! Stay tuned :)....

Marina

Being Honest About Body Image

I went out with some friends to a crowded bar last night. They are both in perfect shape, and moved effortlessly through the crowd as I bumped and pushed my way in their wake. It's moments like this that remind me that I still have so far to go. See, when I look in the mirror or walk down the street I feel great about my size and the way my clothes fit. It's not until I see photos of myself later that I think, "Who invited the fatty---oh wait, that's me!" While it's wonderful that I feel confident, I'd like my body to keep up with my great self image.

Over the past six months I have lost about 15 pounds (from 185-170), and I blame this achievement for what happened to me the other day. With an inflated sense of thinness I went... bikini shopping! Of course at 170 I look better than I would've at 180, but I'm in no way ready for a bikini. The experience only reiterated the importance of having an honest self image, one that can love how great you look as you get smaller, but still know your limitations.

On a side note, I've been keeping a food journal for the past two days, and the first day I was well over my caloric allowance, due in part to a certain chocolate shake which will not be named. But, yesterday I was only a little bit over, which gives me hope that today I will stay within the boundaries.

Also, I only made it to the gym once so far this week, but I've been fitting in additional exercise by taking the stairs, parking farther away, etc. I'm hoping that by the next time I post I will have a routine and workout tips to share. Well time to get up and feed the kids, that's all for now!

Starting Out is Hard to Do

Hello People of the Internets! My name is Kendra. I'm a single mother of two boys, ages 1 and 4. As a direct result of said children I have what I have come to understand is a typical problem: I am fat. "Oh my goodness," you must be thinking, "can she actually say that on the internet?!" Yes, I can, because people are only ever truly honest on the worldwide web.

Where was I? Oh yes, my weight! Some of you, let's be honest, most of you, are fighting the same battle. I am 24 years old and weigh 170 pounds. While a size 12 is nothing to be ashamed of, I'd like to proudly wear a bikini sometime in my twenties. My goal is to get down to a single digit size (which I haven't been since I was 13) by the end of January 2013.

"But where is this going?" I can hear you whine, "are you going to sell me diet pills/a book/methamphetamines?" Before we go any further I should take a break to tell you what I'm selling---nothing. I'm doing this blog with one of my best friends to keep myself honest. Honesty=success in the weight loss world, so with that in mind I will be posting my weight, exercise, and diet here online twice a week. Check back and see if I reach my goals or fall flat on my face!