What Are We Fighting For

When we talk about the motivation to lose weight and get in shape, it is usually in the context of improving our appearance. And why not? Numerous studies have linked attractiveness to overall success (most notably Richard M. Lerner's 1985 study of school children). Looking good is no longer just about attracting a suitable mate; it is now recognized as a testament to our self-discipline that reflects subconsciously on our ability to be effective as leaders and managers. Which is not to say there are not leaders who are effective and overweight (Gov. Chris Christie of NJ, Oprah, to name two), but their struggle with weight management is brought up enough to be of concern.

But looks and success aside, there is a greater issue that we do not usually connect to as Americans. That carrying additional weight and not exercising daily will kill us. Not might, it will. Each day is a test, a test to determine how many tomorrows we will have. We are quite literally fighting for our lives. It is irrelevant if we succeed in our chosen career only to drop dead at sixty because we failed to properly manage the most important piece of equipment ever entrusted to us. Because that is what a body is: your car, house, tv, and children all rolled into one. Fail it and it will fail you. Care for it properly (30 minutes of outdoor exercise and 5+ servings of veggies a day) and it will take care of you.

Deal Or No Deal

The weather is cooling down outside and my appetite is only heating up. All I can think about is food! I can barely make a trip through the grocery store without fanticising abour all the new recipies I could be trying. In light of this recent realization I have decided to make a deal with myself. My parents are going out of town on the 29 and I will have my house and my kitchen to myself for a week.
Ive decided that if I can stick to my body for life eating plan and exercise for the next 28 days I will allow myself a week to try all the recipies my heart desires! Im going to write all the recipies and foods Im craving and try out Kendra's "you can have it later approach" This fat girl will be posting every few days about all the new skinny girl habits Ill be trying out! They say it takes at least 3 weeks to form a habit so lets see if I can use August to my advantage and slim down before school! wish me luck! In the morning I make my first coffee run as a skinny girl!

Food For Thought

You may have noticed that I have no written in over 2 weeks. And trust me it isn't because I've got nothing to say. I, as Kendra have hit a slump. It isn't too shocking, I feel I've been hitting these slumps for 5 years now ever since I set my mind on losing weight. I felt that because I had nothing positive to talk about that I shouldn't say anything at all. I realize however that isn't how having a weight loss blog works and I know that everyone has these kinds of days.

I haven't been in the gym for weeks. According to my online statement I haven't hit the gym since June 11, a week before my birthday. I have lost the motivation to lose weight and stay healthy and I am frantically searching for it! I have been eating junk food on and off for the past few weeks and I can feel how awful it is for my body from not being able to waking up in the morning to not being able to stay awake during the day. Even though I am starting to feel awful about myself again, I can't seem to last more than a day on my "diet".

As many of us know, it's hard to break a habit. Habits are comfortable and a great excuse. I worked for 8 hours today and after I got off at 1130, I found myself at the taco bell drive through because I thought I was starving. After I took 3 bites of the 8$ of food I got, I realized that I wasn't hungry at all and the food tasted awful! I go to these drive thrus at night out of habit. After getting off work or hanging out with friends late at night I don't know what to do with myself so I eat. It's more comfortable than going home and being by myself late at night so I stuff myself with thousands of calories which can't be good for my waistline. For now I am searching for that motivation again and a reason to keep going with this blog and my mission to lose weight. What are some of your reasons for wanting to lose weight? Wish me luck in finding my motivation, it's time to do some soul searching...until we meet again!

It's Been a Long Time Coming...

You may notice that this post is a little behind on my "twice a week" blogging goal. That was not intentional, but there was a reason I dragged my feet. I didn't know how to write about what was going on, since I seem to have hit a plateau in most of the arenas of my life.


Sometimes you're in a waiting room. And there's nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't mean pull up a chair and get out a magazine, get comfortable. It means scan the room for exits and build connections with other "inmates" to break out with. I am gearing up to apply to law school in the fall, so my love life and career have both been put on hold. And I was fine with that until very recently. Now it feels less like a self-imposed ban to keep me focused, and more like a restriction, holding me back.


Which leads me to my first realization: timing is literally everything. Just consider this for a moment, you can eat anything you want and lose weight. How? Timing. The longer you can put off something, the better it will be. This harkens back to the cheat day thing, which is based on this concept. By changing the way we look at gratification, and adjusting it to delayed rather than denied is crucial. Whether it is in relationships, or just your relationship with food. Next time you see a piece of chocolate cake staring you down, practice saying "later" rather than "no."

Which leads me to my second, and more important, realization. Up until now my mantra for many things has been: "If it's meant to be, it will be." While this is a factual statement, what struck me about it recently is that it's a bit defeatist. It's easy to say, "If I'm meant to be in shape, I will be," when in reality you are meant to be in shape so get off the couch and stop making excuses. Destiny will only take us so far, and it is what we do with the chances we are given (i.e. checking Facebook rather than going for a run) that ultimately decides what happens and what doesn't.

So how do these both reconcile? There has to be a balance. You have to know when to put something off, like if it's bad for you, and when to embrace it with open arms, like when it's good for you. If you don't know which is which, listen to your conscience. It's surprising that we each have a feeling (mine resides in my stomach) that lets us know which course of action to take. If it makes you feel guilty, put it off until it doesn't. Otherwise, what are you waiting for?

Starting Fresh

I am back from Vegas and today marks month 9 of my break up. I've decided now that I am more or less over the ex, it's time to give myself what I like to call a "break up makeover". As we all know, hot people get more attention and all the best perks! I am kind of curious to see how people will treat me differently and how I will act as I lose the weight and actually want to dress up and go out. Counting down from today, I have exactly 4 months to get in shape before my next Vegas trip. I have decided on a diet (Body for Life!!) and I will be posting my progress on that starting tomorrow (wish me luck!) and also pictures of new clothes and the makeover!

Vegas this weekend was fun, very difficult to count calories with so many delicious foods around. I think it's important to give ourselves a break on vacation though. I let myself eat whatever I wanted for that weekend with the self promise that I would get back on the healthy bandwagon when I am back and I guess that time is now.

I will post starting pics and measurements tomorrow and fast forward 4 months hopefully I will be back in my little black dress! I also managed to get back into tennis, very slowly as not to hurt my knee (for the 4th time) but I am excited about this progression. I realized that my mind still thinks I'm in great shape but I think I need a beginners work out plan for the first time as I am clearly not in the shape I was in 3 years ago. Time for bed so I can get up early and make a nice healthy breakfast body for life style! Good night everyone!

Come on Ladies...

It occurred to me last Sunday as I sat in a theater full of nervously excited women watching "Magic Mike" that we, as a gender, are extremely hypocritical. Consider this: you break up with a guy and as you're leaving to start a new amazing life somewhere else, he shows up at the the airport. And you don't remember giving him any flight info. Creepy, right? Unless he's hot. Because, let's be real ladies, we have a bit of a double standard in operation, currently. We think we want what happens in romantic comedies, but when regular guys pull the very same stunts (coming to our house to serenade us, tracking down our phone number, trying to stop us from leaving) we label them stalkers. Unless he's hot, right? Then he's your soulmate, and he just can't bear not to text you every five minutes. Guys, if you don't think this is true, congratulations, you're probably one of the hot ones (call me!). And ladies if you're still shaking your head, just ask yourself: if you were whistled at by construction workers would your reaction be different if they were Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer (google "Channing Tatum"+"shirtless" and answer honestly.)?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. As I lose weight (I'm down to a size 10 now!) people are treating me differently. It's pretty weird, because obviously I am the same person I was a few months ago, but suddenly I'm getting more eye contact, random people touching me during the course of a conversation, and compliments on my clothes. This last one freaked me out a bit, since I thought at first the woman who said it was mocking me. Lest ye forget, I'm a single student mother on a shoestring budget, so it's a lot of Ross and Target for me. I'd like to think it was the clothes, but like our double standard for men, skinny bitches can wear just about anything and look totally amazing (google "Megan Fox"+"burlap sack"). Whereas, I know from my experience, the larger you are the fewer things you look truly stunning in.

Which brings me to my final, and most disconcerting realization of the week. As I get smaller I become more judgmental of my big and beautiful sisters. Part of me thinks, "If I can do this, so can you!" But, of course, that assumption is a fallacy. I'm by no means where I need or want to be health-wise, and how could I begin to guess about or judge another person's health? I think we--ladies, people in general, and me--need to stop basing our conclusions on what we think we see. We can be blinded by our assumptions, and the solution is to not assume anything. So next time you meet someone try to imagine if your reaction to them would be different if they looked like Channing Tatum (or Blake Lively, for you gents). You might be surprised. Or then again, given how crowded the theater was on Sunday, you might not.

Birthday Calories Don't Count....DO THEY?!

Hey Guys!

Sorry for disappearing, I've been celebrating! So I am officially 22 and I think in honor of my twenty second I gained 2 lbs! Happy Birthday to me?! A co-worker of mine proceeded to tell me how great I look the other day and asked me what diet I was on, which left me dumbfounded considering I have pretty much had a diet of everything from the Cheesecake Factory lately. I started out with the mentality that Birthday calories don't count however 2 weeks later and I still can't seem to get back on the bandwagon! It has been nearly impossible for me to balance happy hours and a social life with losing weight. I went out nearly every night this past week, including Taco Tuesday with my lovely buddy Kendra :) and I wouldn't change all the fun times, but how the heck am I supposed to be good and eat healthy when there are so many temptations around me?!

I finally got back on track a little and figured out a plan that I am going to follow but oh wait...did I mention I'm going to Vegas for the weekend? Stay tuned as I attempt to eat healthy in Vegas! After I get back I promise to be good though! I am taking another Vegas trip in November, that gives me 5 months to get back into my little black dress! The Goal is to lose 40 lbs by then and cruise Vegas with confidence. I am tired of all the excuses and dreading vacations because I have nothing to wear and don't feel confident in my own skin.

There has been a lot going on lately, I am still getting over the last bits of my break up but I am determined to come out of this stronger and healthier than ever! There have been a few situations this last week involving interested guys and a very uninterested Marina and I realized that I am not ready to open up yet mainly because I am not comfortable being this weight and I can't imagine letting someone else into my life when I am not yet confident looking in the mirror.

As far as it goes for Kendra, I am very proud of you for sticking with your diet and exercise plan even when things get hectic with the kids and congrats on losing those 5 lbs :D I am so excited to continue this journey together and meeting more people along the way :)

Here is us on our awsome Taco Tuesday date!

A New Day is Dawning

It's not even 8:45 AM and I am on my third donut. No, I did not fall off the bandwagon. I am enjoying my first Cheat Day on the Slow Carb Diet. I won't waste your time extolling the virtues of said diet, but I will say that it beats counting calories.

Basically six days a week I'm very good. As in, no grains or sugars good.i make one exception for a small dose of very dark chocolate per day to keep me sane, I mean come on! I'm a single mother who doesn't drink or do caffeine, I need a crutch of some sort. Then on day seven I make myself sick eating everything I craved the other days.

I love this strategy, because what I've found for myself is I do better saying "later," to a craving than, "no." When I see something I just have to have I write it down so I'll remember on Cheat Day. Then on Cheat Day I make myself eat everything, and I mean everything.

What I didn't know until I tried it was how sick I would feel after eating foods I had eaten everyday of my life. It's crazy, I had always been a very emotional eater, but the six days leading up to Cheat Day the emotionality of foods had been taken out of my diet. And after such a purging diet, the excess of Cheat Day was disgusting. I was actually looking forward to going back to my sugar/grain-free diet.

The total tally for Cheat Day? I had six donuts, two hamburgers, extra large fries and Dr. Pepper, a roll of butterfly crackers, a handful of salt and vinegar kettle chips, and a Mike's Hard Lemonade. And I'm already planning for next Sunday. We'll see how I do, but for now I'm down to 166 and feeling good about it.

Seeking Salvation

"My name is Kendra, and I am a foodaholic." This is how I feel at Weight Watchers meetings. Where other addicts come to discuss their preferred substitutes and languish over the prevalence of Arby's on their drive home. I've tried a lot of different diets; I experimented with Slim Fast in high school. Cut carbs, sugars, even chocolate. Jumped on the Special K Challenge bandwagon. Went to the meetings, tracked the calories, logged the exercise hours. But the problem is, no matter which diet I try, how much I clear out my schedule to work out, there is a deeper need in me. I think that is the root of the problem. Whether we smoke, drink, exercise, do drugs, or eat, we have to have something to throw into that hole inside ourselves. I'm not trying to be a downer, but the more I think about the relationship I have with food, the more I feel like an addict. When I quit smoking five years ago, after smoking daily for almost as long, I suffered from headaches, shaking hands, and an overriding obsession with smoke. I would sit next to smokers at bus stops just to get a whiff of that sweet incense. Around the time I quit smoking, my food issues started. Now that I am trying to quit eating, I find myself unexplainably at bakeries, and making analogies about cakes. And that is the way of it, we can substitute, food for cigarettes, exercise for food, but until we know what we are trying to fill up, we will never feel full. 

I started off this blog with a plan to log my caloric intake in order to track my weight loss. I have failed to follow through, whether for one reason or another. Too much going on, or more often, just not feeling like I wanted to know if I was over my limit for the day. Like a raging alcoholic, I am trying to claw my way back to the wagon, while simultaneously stuffing my face with anything I can get my hands on (see taco, above). If there were a patron saint for obese dieters, I would say a prayer to find my way back to the path, but there isn't. So instead I reached out to a friend.

I met this friend in college. At the time I met her she was in much the same place I am now: recently divorced, and struggling with her own weight issues. She's now into great shape, and is on what is called the "Slow Carb Diet," with success. Inspired by her posts about the diet, and her frequent references to being a gymaholic (a much better habit, I believe), I am going to give it a shot. As part of giving myself a fighting chance, I am going to give myself permission to not be happy with where I am. Yes, there is a hole inside of me, but no, that hole does not need food. For now, until I have a better understanding of why it's there, I will throw myself into exercising, substitution I know, but a necessary one. It may not work, but I won't know until I try. Trust me to keep you updated, and wish me luck!

Better Late Than Never....Right?!

Hey guys! I'm Marina, the second half of this awsome twosome!
A long long time ago, I used to be a nationally ranked tennis player and in pretty decent shape. Fast forward 3 years, 3  knee surgeries and a break up later and I am in the worst shape of my life. We are both unhappy with our bodies and we decided to be proactive and do something about it. My birthday is coming up (June 17) and although I am excited to celebrate with my friends, I am held back by the one dilema that many of us face at one time or another: I have nothing to wear. I found a sparkly pink and black dress that I instantly fell in love with and although I am still planning to wear it, I have to wear it as a shirt since it doesn't cover my butt. The last few years are a blur, I somehow ballooned to 235 lbs (down from 245 a few months ago) and I don't recognize the athletic girl I used to be. My goal is to lose 100 lbs by my 23 birthday  (June 2013) and play tennis once again.
I can't do it without your help and support. We would love any input and support we can get on this journey. We are very happy to have eachother but the more the merrier right?! Who's with me?! 

Just as I thought that I was over my break-up, I found out that my ex is moving in with a new girlfriend. Have I been seeing anyone? Not so much. I want to be able to be confident once again and be comfortable enough with myself to start dating again. I decided that for the next year I am putting all my effort into getting my life back on track and my weight into a healthy range. I will be posting about all the hardships and rewarding experiences here along with my buddy. We would love to hear any of your weight loss success stories, anything really to keep us going because as we all know: LOSING WEIGHT SUCKS!!!! I look forward to sharing my weight loss journey with everyone and I hope that I can even inspire a few people. Before pics and goals to come! Stay tuned :)....

Marina

Being Honest About Body Image

I went out with some friends to a crowded bar last night. They are both in perfect shape, and moved effortlessly through the crowd as I bumped and pushed my way in their wake. It's moments like this that remind me that I still have so far to go. See, when I look in the mirror or walk down the street I feel great about my size and the way my clothes fit. It's not until I see photos of myself later that I think, "Who invited the fatty---oh wait, that's me!" While it's wonderful that I feel confident, I'd like my body to keep up with my great self image.

Over the past six months I have lost about 15 pounds (from 185-170), and I blame this achievement for what happened to me the other day. With an inflated sense of thinness I went... bikini shopping! Of course at 170 I look better than I would've at 180, but I'm in no way ready for a bikini. The experience only reiterated the importance of having an honest self image, one that can love how great you look as you get smaller, but still know your limitations.

On a side note, I've been keeping a food journal for the past two days, and the first day I was well over my caloric allowance, due in part to a certain chocolate shake which will not be named. But, yesterday I was only a little bit over, which gives me hope that today I will stay within the boundaries.

Also, I only made it to the gym once so far this week, but I've been fitting in additional exercise by taking the stairs, parking farther away, etc. I'm hoping that by the next time I post I will have a routine and workout tips to share. Well time to get up and feed the kids, that's all for now!

Starting Out is Hard to Do

Hello People of the Internets! My name is Kendra. I'm a single mother of two boys, ages 1 and 4. As a direct result of said children I have what I have come to understand is a typical problem: I am fat. "Oh my goodness," you must be thinking, "can she actually say that on the internet?!" Yes, I can, because people are only ever truly honest on the worldwide web.

Where was I? Oh yes, my weight! Some of you, let's be honest, most of you, are fighting the same battle. I am 24 years old and weigh 170 pounds. While a size 12 is nothing to be ashamed of, I'd like to proudly wear a bikini sometime in my twenties. My goal is to get down to a single digit size (which I haven't been since I was 13) by the end of January 2013.

"But where is this going?" I can hear you whine, "are you going to sell me diet pills/a book/methamphetamines?" Before we go any further I should take a break to tell you what I'm selling---nothing. I'm doing this blog with one of my best friends to keep myself honest. Honesty=success in the weight loss world, so with that in mind I will be posting my weight, exercise, and diet here online twice a week. Check back and see if I reach my goals or fall flat on my face!